Nose pressed to the glass

I have often found myself to be on the outside of situations looking in...wishing to be a part of the "in" group.  I wasn't a cheerleader, not popular, wasn't the one with the big personality and the ability to draw people to me.  Even though I've performed as a musician, taught as a teacher and given speeches throughout my life, my personality still tended to hold me back.  I was the quiet one, hugging the wall or the corner of the couch.  If I had a stage or microphone, I was usually okay, but as soon as I stepped offstage, my nerves and fears would overtake me. It was what I knew and where I was most comfortable--yet I often longed to be the one in the middle of the action. I  have struggled in my life to overcome my natural tendency to blend in with the wallpaper and to learn instead, to step forward, speak up, introduce myself and stand out in the crowd.  I still really stink at that ability, but I'm learning...slowly.

But this post isn't about me feeling sorry for myself or wishing things had been different for me.  It's really about learning to accept who I am.  You see, I've spent far too much of my life wishing to be that cheerleader, popular person, or the one everyone wanted to follow. I've spent far too much time with my nose pressed on the glass, looking in and wishing for a different life, or personality.  The only thing that resulted from pressing my nose on the glass was a smeared nose print on the window! I forgot to stop and thank God for making me the way he did.  I overlooked the fact that God had uniquely outfitted me with abilities, talents and drives that he needed to accomplish the tasks in this life that he set out for me.

"For we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

Now in my lifetime, I have truly come across some people who have never experienced pressing their nose on the glass and looking in.  As a matter of fact, they are likely the people who will tell you how to overcome your shyness or inability to move forward, but from my experience, they also often forget to remind you that God is the one who helps you un-stick your nose from that glass, open the door and walk inside.

"He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:24

"I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

And I'm not talking about building up your self-confidence either.  Self-confidence is overrated because it keeps our eyes on ourselves, instead of on Christ. We tend to think that if we just have enough self-confidence, we can do anything.  No we can't.  Not really--no matter how much we believe in ourselves--but we can do the things God needs for us to do-- if we believe in Him!

I'm learning to embrace my dreams and hold them up for God to see and let him re-shape into His dreams.  I'm learning to accept my true gifts and talents and that it is okay to acknowledge I have them, but that none of it is for my glory, but His! And I'm learning that my personality is the way it is because He is working through me and He is using me as he wills.

And that is good.  And right.  And a perfect way to use a very imperfect human being.