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Surrendering with open hands

It was a typical Sunday morning at church. There were some video announcements, followed by a brief welcome and then the music started. The first song was great. It was an inspiring, motivating type of song that made you want to belt out a stanza or two. Then the second song started, My Heart Is Yours. I started singing the words and was enjoying the traditional hymn thrown in the middle of the song, but suddenly the words pierced through me. “My heart is yours, my heart is yours, take it all, take it all, my life in your hands.” I stopped for a few seconds and tried to regain my composure. The song continued on. “You are my God, whatever the cost, Jesus.” The cost? Do I  really know what that means?  The song continued on.  “All to Jesus, I surrender.” Surrender?  Really? I can’t even give up butter for 40 days! Why in the world would I think I could surrender it all to Jesus? I stopped singing at that point. I couldn’t. It wasn't honest. I continued listening to the words and watching the people grow more animated and louder as they were singing. Hands were in the air, eyes were closed and you could sense the genuine feelings that were being evoked from this great hymn. People were sincere….at least while they were singing. Yet, I continued to wonder to myself. It’s easy to talk about surrendering it all when you’re with an auditorium full of other believers. It’s easy to say you’ll give it all when standing in church, feeling the love of everyone around you, but would I really give it all?

I’m a very flawed human being. If you aren't flawed, then you might want to stop reading. If you are flawed, then you might resonate with some of what I’m about to say. So here is my big secret:  I'm not sure I'm willing to give it all.  There.  I said it.  Are you shocked?  Are you disturbed?  I hope not. I will say that I hope I don't stay there though. There are things I struggle with giving up.  My kids are one of those "things".  My husband.  My house.  My health.  My abilities.  The lifestyle into which I have become accustomed.  That is just a small list.  I'm sure if I racked my brain  long enough and continued to search deeper within my soul, I'd find more that I have been holding onto too tightly.  Yet, I'm also beginning to learn and understand that while God has placed some of these things or people into my hands, his intent was never for me to clasp my hands tightly around those things and never let go.  He really wanted to just place them in my hands temporarily, for a short time.  My hands need to be open, so that when he is ready to take those things, he doesn't have to pry them from my tightly bound fingers.  Instead, if I can learn to just leave my hands open, then I can willingly give it all, rather than holding on tightly to nothing at all.

The truth is, I have nothing.  Nothing is mine.  Not one of the people or things I mentioned above is truly mine.  How then, can I possibly hold on to something that I don't own?  Even my life is not my own.  It all belongs to the One who reigns!  To Him only, will I then surrender...with open hands!

Matthew 16:26
What will it benefit a man if he gains the whole world yet loses his life? Or what will a man give in exchange for his life?

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