I've often said that I was a better parent before I had kids than I have been since I've had kids. Parenting is hard. Bottom line--no frills, no glowing advice or quips--it's hard. Don't believe me? Just ask me---I'm a MOM!
When I brought that first little one home, I was so overwhelmed. What do I do? How do I do it? Will I get it right? I was exhausted from lack of sleep and recovering from a C-section and I found myself in tears almost all of the time. Yet, I had fallen in love with this tiny little creature and couldn't wait to spend time with her. One was hard. Yep--you heard me. One child was hard. I couldn't imagine having anymore. She was cute and tiny and precious and I found myself just staring at her in the rare moments that she decided to sleep. Overwhelming joy was mixed with overwhelming exhaustion and overwhelming fear. What if she died? What if she got deathly sick? What if someone kidnapped her? What if...? What if...? Yep....one was hard. So I decided to have 3 more--just to keep things interesting.
As the cliches go, by the time we had the fourth one, we allowed him to eat off of the floor, (5 second rule!) have a pacifier, and run around in only a diaper if he wanted. It's not that I didn't still have my ideals, it was just that my attempts at being a perfect parent had failed! I finally figured out that my shortcomings would not result in my child dying from some horrible thing that I had read or heard about. There was lots of guilt, of course...almost everyone I knew had advice or ideas. Was I breastfeeding or bottle feeding and why or why not? Did I let them use a pacifier or did they suck their thumb? Should they have a favorite blanket or toy? When can they have solid food? One of my favorites was, "Sleep when the baby is sleeping." ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? That's the only time I could get anything else done! As they got older, the questions changed. Did they talk in sentences yet? How old are they and they're still not potty-trained? They're wetting the bed??? Are you reading to them? Do they know their alphabet? You mean your child is going to Kindergarten and can't write their name or read? Are you working? Do you stay at home?
It seemed at each new phase of my children's lives, I was faced with the idea that I was not ever doing enough as a parent. This meant of course, that I had failed and that my children would grow up to be delinquents, uneducated, and not know how to live well or make good decisions.
Fast forward to....Today. So far, no delinquents. No child is uneducated. They make decisions and some are good and some are indeed not so good. They're living pretty well--for college kids and teenagers. So did I do my job? Do I pass for a good mom? Hmmm....well, I can't honestly say I know the answer to that fully. What I can tell you is that I did make mistakes, but despite not doing everything perfectly, God's mercy and his grace covered a lot of gaps that I missed. I can tell you that all of my kids know God, know Jesus, know the Holy Spirit and are walking in faith. I can tell you that they struggle, with all sorts of issues, yet none of them has turned their back on God. Yet.
And that is just it--isn't it? There are no guarantees that your parenting will produce the results you want.
We would all like to think that if we do certain things right that we will net certain results. I'm in no way saying don't do certain things--keep doing them! Realize though, that God is way bigger and stronger than you. One thing that I'm continuing to learn is that God works in spite of me, not because of me! Even if I have done all that I can do, it's still up to God to lead my child and work on his or her heart. So many times, when I've been at my wit's end and not knowing where to turn, I've heard God say, "Just trust me! I've got them in my hand!" So...I may not be a perfect parent, but I do know a perfect God. It is in God I put my trust, and not on what I can or can't do well.
John 10:28-29 (HCSB)
"I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand."
When I brought that first little one home, I was so overwhelmed. What do I do? How do I do it? Will I get it right? I was exhausted from lack of sleep and recovering from a C-section and I found myself in tears almost all of the time. Yet, I had fallen in love with this tiny little creature and couldn't wait to spend time with her. One was hard. Yep--you heard me. One child was hard. I couldn't imagine having anymore. She was cute and tiny and precious and I found myself just staring at her in the rare moments that she decided to sleep. Overwhelming joy was mixed with overwhelming exhaustion and overwhelming fear. What if she died? What if she got deathly sick? What if someone kidnapped her? What if...? What if...? Yep....one was hard. So I decided to have 3 more--just to keep things interesting.
It seemed at each new phase of my children's lives, I was faced with the idea that I was not ever doing enough as a parent. This meant of course, that I had failed and that my children would grow up to be delinquents, uneducated, and not know how to live well or make good decisions.
Fast forward to....Today. So far, no delinquents. No child is uneducated. They make decisions and some are good and some are indeed not so good. They're living pretty well--for college kids and teenagers. So did I do my job? Do I pass for a good mom? Hmmm....well, I can't honestly say I know the answer to that fully. What I can tell you is that I did make mistakes, but despite not doing everything perfectly, God's mercy and his grace covered a lot of gaps that I missed. I can tell you that all of my kids know God, know Jesus, know the Holy Spirit and are walking in faith. I can tell you that they struggle, with all sorts of issues, yet none of them has turned their back on God. Yet.
And that is just it--isn't it? There are no guarantees that your parenting will produce the results you want.
John 10:28-29 (HCSB)
"I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand."
Oh, Carrie, how those same questions came at the same time they came to you! And isn't it interesting how IMPORTANT those issues were at the time. and now......well, you got it right. Your precious young people know God, His Son, the Holy Spirit and we moms just keep on trusting God. No, mine haven't always made the choices I would have made. But THANK GOD, He made individuals and He is taking care of them and their choices! Well done!
ReplyDeleteNo they don't turn out as we want but we trust they will turn out as God intended IF...they follow Him because His plans for them are greater than ours.
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